M42 F43
Advice Please..
July 04 2025
Comments
-
OpalRose
11 months ago
Lots of communication. Remember, this should be an addition to a healthy relationship, not a fix. Set up some rules, don’t break them. I’m not jealous of others in general life, but after some previous troublesome relationships I was worried about adding a third and what might happen. Communication and trust over time fixes that.
-
seekandplay
11 months ago
lauraleesexology has some great tips on her social media page… I can’t write which one otherwise this will post will get banned. Check out her Reels, she has some great advice around threesomes that might help, she touches on jealousy x
-
Ex007
11 months ago
Strict boundaries and rules can help. But in saying this from experience (men first FMF) few men stick to the boundaries at all. Unless women enforce them. They are a child in a lolly shop and their brain does not function because all the blood is in their dick. Men like this will typically push the limits in these situations in the moments and try and try and try again to get through the boundaries. There is the odd man who will respect boundaries no questions asked, but these are few and far between. The question is which one is your husband? Then what are the boundaries? Write them out E.g. no kissing, the person must leave on or before 10pm, NO sleepovers, husband is never to have her contact details and is never to attempt to contact her in any way. No going from V to V without changing protection. Also, explain the seriousness of these boundaries and what will happen if they are breached. I am ruthless if someone breaks one of my boundaries they are wiped from my life. Because there is no excuse for something I have well and truly communicated. The person has also demonstrated their understanding of it and explained it back to me in their own words.
-
Raymonte1
11 months ago
With my ex partner we had heaps of fun as opal said it's a definitely beautiful addition to healthy relationships.we started actually with mmf scenario then ffm,i couldn't believe how made me horny and sexy watching her with someone wice verse she would go crazy watching me playing with another lady...good old times!
-
nightingale8
11 months ago
Do a “relationship check in” (google it). Lots of advice and podcasts on the topic. Or reach out for couples therapy support as it’s a great thing to do proactively (they’ll love you). Broadly speaking, you each could talk through relationship wants vs needs and what that would look like if they were met. Take your time and do this a lot as it’s harder than you would expect! At least in my experience On jealousy, I’m not a sexually jealous person. But if a woman came around and tried to be wifey - say, encroaching on family finances, mothering the kids without me, etc my goodness look out 😂 I love my home life and I’m ready to fight for it. People get jealous when they have something to lose - so worth asking, what would you lose? Sexual currency, adoration, prime access to his body? Is it because your attraction to women is being objectified (and diminished) for his pleasure?
-
LiveLifeNow28
11 months ago
Sounds very much like you would be doing it for him. This is not what you want. If you’re already worried about how you’ll be able to go through with it, it is clearly not what you want. Will he respect that?? Will you find a way to be together and tolerate and really be ok with not getting everything you each want to try and have?? These are some questions worth considering, not how will you be able to go through something you don’t want. Sounds like coercion to me. Possibly wanting to keep him happy. Would he do the same for you and say he doesn’t want it unless it’s something you both deeply want?
-
Andrea_Sydney
11 months ago
You are saying you are worried how going ahead with his fantasy will make you feel about him and your relationship if I understand correctly. You are worried you will feel jealous in the moment, and then suffer afterwards when the images keep coming back to you, is that right? What I can say about this is that for me, I don’t feel jealous seeing my partner with other women and images of what I saw coming back to me are exciting little thoughts, not anything negative at all. Going into these encounters, my imagination about the situations was arousing. Not worried or jealous. I did not feel any certain acts would make me jealous. Meaning, it doesn’t matter whether he kisses them or does whatever. We all are looking out for each other and everyone’s pleasure. That brings me to another important point - the potential third is a person. A human with feelings. In my opinion it is not fair on the third to be brought into a situation where they might suddenly be turned from being the exciting guest star to a suspicious character. They deserve to have a great night where they will feel welcome, desired and appreciated and satisfied and happy. Just as much as you deserve to feel all these things on the same night. To me it sounds like with your current feelings you and the other woman might feel awful afterwards. In my mind there are two ffm scenarios: either both of you want to play with her and therefore will fuss over her and look after her together, or - if you don’t play with her - he will share his attention over two women. Any other scenario doesn’t do anyone a good service. In either scenario you will be sharing his attention and his arousal and his appreciation with another woman. Due to the novelty factor, you might end up with 20% of his attention especially if you play with her too. To me this is all hot and exciting and arousing. But if this real imagination of all this makes you worried, I would stay away from it. To save yourself feeling this awful. And to stay away from risking humiliating the third’s feelings. Yes, your husband wants it, sure. But the risk isn’t worth it while you feel the way you do. All the best ❤️
-
madotara69
11 months ago
If you are jealous then you would be having difficulty believing he is not playing up whenever you don’t know where he is, if you can’t get him on his phone, if he is out longer than expected in normal types of things, etc. There is emotions that often will be classed as in the jealousy bag, the green eyed monster and if you can reckon to better understand some emotions are protecting your wellbeing, values, principles, being your self, making choices, honesty and loyalty and all that comes in the bag of friendship. Understanding jealousy is fuelled by imagination, insecurities in yourself to loosing him to someone he,d rather be with and you helplessly in fear and fear for worst and only gets worse over time, sometimes add
-
madotara69
11 months ago
Sorry my foot slipped, If you feel ill to the experience you mentioned, it may help for you to reckon with feelings that bring caution and risks the meanings with protecting the friendship which is at the heart of your relationship and love? Well love has many feelings that hurt and meant to hurt and better understanding the meanings of what has you feeling ill, is it because of care in love or fear in betrayal ? Both need to be reckoned and understood, if he knows you feel ill thinking of witnessing him with another woman.. ? I feel ill in thought of Tara being with another man somewhere, it’s not jealousy, I’ve reckoned and understand I love her and more than I am able to accept he cares for her and respects her and every choice she makes she makes, none he makes for her. However if the guy is with us and Tara has said we can do whatever we want she likes it all, then I very much enjoy another guy tossing ideas in for how to go about something she should enjoy, especially when she does and that is a limitless act of care and love pressing her buttons and it should be fair that every woman share the experience with spitroast and DP at the least in a caring and loving way if she chooses. She is not particularly interested in doing something where I have ill feelings, not because I’ve told her she can’t, I can’t tell her anything, I only ask if she may choose to go off with another guy, she knows how I feel. Jealousy is a powerful emotion and fortunately we share the emotions of compersion. Mado Mado Tara xx
-
Flirty2020
11 months ago
In your own words, and reading between the lines, you have admitted that you can be a tad jealous, and that you are not sure if you could go through with the threesome, and that it is something he really wants …. (But not something that you want ? ) Our advice is that you are not ready for this. You are doing it only to please him. It is, in our opinion, a recipe for disaster that may ultimately have a negative impact on your marriage.
-
privatebutterfly
11 months ago
Personally, I feel that there are perhaps issues in your marriage that you both need to address BEFORE you even consider this. By your own comments above, you admit that he is easily led by his dick... he is a 41 year old married man! While we all have interests and desires, your comments make it seem like he lacks the capacity to regulate both his expectations and his behaviour, if the cookie jar were offered. He has already engaged in deceptive behaviour around this particular issue by not only creating a couples profile without your knowledge, but actively talking with other women for at least 2 months behind your back! Possibly even sharing photos or videos (of himself or you) with them. I'm curious to know if he owned up to this or if he was caught out... and if he wasn't caught out, how far would his dick have led him? Would he have arranged to meet any of them? Turned up solo with an apology that you couldn't make it? Organised to "bump" into them on a night out with you and make it seem like it happened naturally? His behaviour was dishonest and disrespectful to both yourself and the other women he was lying to. You state that your sexual desires are at different levels, which is common and couples make it work with different strategies. It seems his is to continue to buy you "gifts" for both Xmas and your birthday that you clearly do not want. I hope they are at least in addition to gifts that he spends time and thought on and that demonstrate his knowledge of YOUR interests and desires (I'm not even talking about sexual). He expects the "scene" or experience to be offered up to him, with "whatever happens", but won't even spend the time to acknowledge and discuss your feelings about this and what boundaries to put in place so that you feel secure in considering it. You can just tell him your "rules" and he'll follow them? Or he'll go ahead and do whatever he likes anyway, regardless of your needs? You get to play the 'handbrake' or the 'fun police' and he avoids having to demonstrate any restraint or responsibility. He has shown you repeatedly with his behaviour that he has no care or concern for your thoughts or feelings and is only interested in having his own needs met with as little effort on his part as necessary. I would most definitely NOT be rewarding him with his #1 fantasy and an implicit acceptance of his actions. My advice is to seek the help of 2 professionals. Firstly, a marriage counselor to help you both realise that his behaviour is immature, selfish and damaging to your relationship. Look for one who is sex positive and has experience working with clients to aid their sexual relationships through communication. Secondly, IF you do reach the point where you decide to go ahead with a threesome, which you admit is not something YOU actually want, consider paying a sex worker instead of trying to find someone online. You engage them for a specific scenario, outline inclusions and exclusions, agree to a fee. They will adhere to your boundaries and won't get swept up in the moment. If he pushes for anything beyond what has been negotiated, they won't agree (or at least not without a renegotiation of their fee). I wish you all the best.
-
Felicitous
11 months ago
Such great advice above! Fundamentally entering this world takes tremendous trust, understanding and patience. Sadly if Mr has already set up a profile without your knowledge or consent- and has been speaking with others - he's breached that. That singleminded behavior really doesn't align with you feeling a sense of security or safety.. which is the foundational to allow couple exploration. I agree with the above. If you are feeling at all reticent.. don't partake. Trust that gut instinct, which may soften the more you talk and explore different ideas and scenarios. You may start to feel more excited about the prospect of an addition or you may never and as has been said, that is totally okay also. But I don't think you should be doing something to purely please your partner. That is the birthplace of resentment. The buying of the sex toys for 'you'.. mmm not sure how I feel about that either. Speaks to him not being very present with your needs and inserting what he thinks will be good for you or what he enjoys (pun intended) Everyone of us has been new though and everyone makes mistakes and can be careless, but growing from them, understanding consequences and adapting is imperative. None of the things above are not insurmountable - unless he doesn't start to be more considerate and change the red flags. For me if it were my partner.. I'd be steering clear until he matures a little and slows down. Ester Perel has some great material also. All the best. V x
-
Brian_Breynolds
11 months ago
Ummmmmmm....... It's quite possible you're married to a narcissist. Not meaning to be a hater, that's just my impressions based on your comments. Maybe do some reading on that.
-
TheMinx
11 months ago
My advice would be to hire a sex worker who specialises in couples. They can offer coffee dates so you can all meet and check in without any pressure to play. Having been a unicorn on and off over the years, I like to vett the couples and its not hard to work out when both aren't on the same page. I had a horrible experience when the wife ended up crying was heartbreaking to see while we were on video chat. I've also had some amazing experiences when the vibe is great. Wishing you well on this journey x
-
Blueflamingo
11 months ago
Definitely great advice given to you already. From a 'unicorns' point of view tho, this is EXACTLY the reason why I hesitate playing the unicorn role with couples. I have been in this situation too many times and it makes me feel terrible. I think you should take into consideration that you are inviting another person, with feelings, into your fantasy and what will be in it for that person too? If you decide to go through after all the advice above, I would recommend doing this with an escort first. She will be professional about it, its a transactional experience and jealousy will be less likely from your side. See how that go and then maybe go unicorn hunting again if you feel comfortable.
-
sublime
11 months ago
If I may add my 2 cents, sounds like he’s gaslighting you. The doubt and the jealousy about adding a 3rd has been orchestrated by him going behind your back and messaging others. If he was really serious about the swingers lifestyle, he would have included you initially. I could be wrong but it seems he’s just interested in having his cake and eating it too . Would he be willing to play MFM with you? If that was something you wanted to try? Ask yourself is this something I want? Or am I taking one for the team? Tread carefully, make sure all 3 chat and set limits and boundaries so there are no surprises, make sure you are all on the same page. Good luck gorgeous xx
-
RHP User
11 months ago
No threesomes will be had, I gave him a choice, keep the account and the pictures of this other girl or loose me.. He chose wrong 🥺
-
DonnaBrett
11 months ago
If you have jealousy issues...simply don't do it. Sort that situation out first then re-visit the idea. There is no room for jealousy in this scene, it's a pointless and often destructive emotion. Good Luck!
-
Flirty2020
10 months ago
Has the OP left the site?
-
Misscheif
10 months ago
I am a unicorn and love playing with couples but not many around in bne and I’m very aware of the married dynamics I do it as I like to be spoiled by two people im sure this shocks most but it’s so fun
-
MissMasBeach
10 months ago
I recommend starting with a few MFMs. If it's really for your pleasure, he should agree. MFM is much more likely to work out well for all concerned. I'm a guy, of course I love FMF, but they don't always work out so well - can be a bit of 'taking turns' and jealousy even for the most open-minded. MFM is much more guaranteed to be good for all, assuming that both guys get it up in that setting - which ain't always so, especially for newbies. Pick an experienced guy.
-
Wetleg
10 months ago
If you are not on board fully - it doesn’t happen. That’s it, don’t ever do something you are not comfortable with it never ends well.
-
MissMasBeach
10 months ago
Start with MFM. If it's really for your pleasure, he should agree. If he won't, it isn't.
-
SugarSugar69
10 months ago
If you need convincing that alone speaks volume!
-
missedbythatmuch
9 months ago
It is usually great in theory but unless you are having fantasies about women, this is all for him. You may as well make it a 4some and then it is for both. Nobody can be jealous and nobody gets left out.
-
RHP User
9 months ago
The most important how much trust you have on him. do you think he is looking for this as he is loosing interest in you or just to spice up life. second if you think you will also enjoy with her and not be just a spectator then it can work for both of you even. I met a couple where wife was really enjoy a gal company. she told me ( while I was performing body massage to her) she start with deep FF play and then handover her to her hubby watch and help them to enjoy and then ask that gal to watch or help like she did and finish with a passionate game with her hubby. But if you think he just wanna it as he is loosing interest in you then its a gib red flag. be careful.
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 15096 Comments: 88148
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1416 Comments: 10248
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2520 Comments: 11713
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2503 Comments: 9786
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 993 Comments: 5012
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1301 Comments: 5771
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 779 Comments: 1981
-
LGBT
Topics: 170 Comments: 869
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share