Funny Sex stories........

Comments

• 

  RHP User

  9 years ago

  That's another take on the getting into her pants thing... - Posted from rhpmobile

  reply

  like

• 

  EarthQueen

  9 years ago

  The first guy I ever met on here I met in a secluded park - Stupid Mistake number 1. Liiterally so dumb!He got lost. Even though there is a thing called a GPS. -Stupid mistake number 2.He was driving a truck. Like a big truck and the park was down this single lane road, like a country lane. No houses around just out in the middle of nowhere -Stupid mistake number 3I was using KIK for message him but I didn't have any data on my phone -Stupid mistake number 4He was from a non speaking English background and when I finally got his number he got confused and thought I was in the car in front of him. He started following the car -Stupid mistake number 5 (and creepy)The chick in her car got freaked out at the huge truck now following her down the quiet country lane and called her husband. The husband was a massive Maori guy with full sleeve tatts. When the guy I was meeting pulled over to call me and try to work out where I was the husband pulled up in a car next to him, got out and threatened to bash the shit out of him for following his wife. He then had to talk him down in a big way - Stupid mistake number 6When he finally found me I had to go because it was so late and I was running late for an appointment. We never did get together. I don't meet guys in parks anymore.No wonder lust is one of the 7 deadly sins, it can make you do some very stupid things. LOL

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  9 years ago

  lol that's hilarious 😀 I've met guys all over, parks, carparks, beach, usually without incident, though moved on by the police out of a few carparks. There have been a few that didn't go to plan however. So difficult to reveal all on here but one involved the police TWICE 😊 well I wasn't expecting them to be hiding in the bushes at 1am 😂😂😂 it got worse, wasn't funny at the time but fuck it is now 😁 Got a rather large fine that night and subsequently put under surveillence lol Did any of this stop me? Not on your life, nothing was going to stop me. Poor guy I met, met me with them watching ffs they wouldn't leave, eventually did by which stage the moment was kind of ruined, but we completed our mission, sex in amongst some rocks on the beach 😊 well I thought since I was there 😉

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  9 years ago

  That made my morning, thank you! 😂😂

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  9 years ago

  Had been flirting with a guy ... pent up sexual tension all day ... out to dinner with hubby later that night and the texts from this guy continue... hubby says 'go play' and I do :) My playmate did have his own appartment ... first kiss did not provide the pussy twinge (thanks MsJonesy) I'd hoped I'd get ... We got to the business end, he was too rough ( I LOVE rough and he wasn't doing it for me) and I tell him to slow it down and chill a little, a couple of seconds and some thrusts later, he's at it again ... rough as anything .... He withdraws ... and thrusts back in but oops .... WRONG FUCKIN HOLE!!!! No ... 'I'm sorry ... babe are you ok?' NOOOOO his response to my pants of pain are 'it's the hazards of the job babe ...' Well ... 'hazard of the job this dickhead .... I'm fucking out of here ' ... A couple of months later he texts and asks if he 'should lose my number?' Yes, yes you should!!! Mary xx

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  9 years ago

  So while not directly related to sex and in the absence of any real explanation the following story has become a running sexual joke for my mate every time we catch up for drinks5 of us did a road trip and run smack bang into a truck at 80kms an hour.We all get taken to hospital and put in separate rooms and after a couple of hours under obs all cleared.We are all a little bit shaken after we leave and while having a coffee one of the guys ask's us how the checkups went and if anyone knew what the doctor was checking for when he did the rectal exam.The rest of us thinking he was joking burst out laughing except that it turns out a "doctor" went into his room asked him to turn side on and inserted a finger, no explanation before or after the event.Having been violated he was too nervous to ask why so didn't say anything.So he was "Freddy got fingered" for the rest of the 10 day trip and without a plausible explanation we just assume it was someone getting their jollies and it's just one of those things non of us will ever let him forget.Since It's out there does anyone have a plausible explanation? I have heard a couple of theories/.

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  9 years ago

  Starting point: Long story short: First day in shared house, chair with wheels, uneven ground, chair ends up banging against my door... My room was within ~30m of our kitchen/community room (we were making lunch before we went to my room). The Beginning: I don't know wether they were drawing straws, however a guy came knocking, and told me something kitchen related... At this point our fun was obviously over, and my smart girl got the hint - I didn't... The community: I got dressed, did go to the kitchen, asked the idiot what was wrong with the kitchen and why it couldn't wait. He could obviously not find any answer, just that we could work it out later. I smirked about the comments of us beeing too loud, and got back, closed the kitchen door while I was at it. The girl next door: Upon arriving back at my room I ran into the girl living next door to me, which after a little bit of poundering arround asked me to please be a little more quiet (this was a quite common topic between us for the years to come, but since she was a screamer we arranged quite well). After my excuse and beeing told she could just tell me if we were too loud she left and I finally arrived back. A not so long time after the same girl asked us to tone it down a bit, and after some laughs, a yelled excuse and a tad of time she fled to the kitchen... Catching a hint: We were drinking together in the evening, and I asked the guy who came knocking about the kitchen thing. I obviously didnt get it yet, I supossed one had the balls to tell another to tune it down a bit. To avoid a rather delicate situation a task was found, nonsensical as it was, and upon dooing it I finally realised what it all had been about. Never felt so stupid before, but if I think about it now it makes me smile.... - Posted from rhpmobile

  reply

  like

• 

  Obi1kenietzsche

  9 years ago

  I once dated a girl who worked at the Brisbane Comedy Club. It didn't work out because after sex she smelt funny. Obi1

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  9 years ago

  God, if he was violated, that's really bad and he should have reported it. Even with no evidence, even if nothing is done, they at least have it on record, and in the event it happens to someone else, he would then be in trouble. It's not so much the act itself, if consentual ie during sexual play, that's different, but non consentual is abuse, a violation that can cause phsycological problems after the event. I had something similar happen to me and when you are in a vulnerable situation like that, in the hands of so called medical professionals, it should never happen. Without knowing the full details, impossible to say whether it was necessary but I seriously doubt that, given none of the rest of you had it done, and without explanation to him at the time 😕

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  9 years ago

  These have made me laugh when i really needed it. Thanks guys. No doubt i have many a story but for the life of me i can't think of any right now

  reply

  like