M51
Open forum with beliefs not judgements
December 02 2014
Comments
-
madotara69
11 years ago
Sometimes in order too let things go, if you don't have the answers you seek, then it can be a benefit to blame yourself. Its pretty clear you are doing some head miles on this, you're angry and blaming it on the ex is not bringing any relief, If you blame on yourself then at least you can have some closure. Personally and I believe that "Potential and May" don't hold much weight against your daughter by her dying mothers side. Had a look at your profile, mate, you are all over the shop. Take your private jet and shove it up your arse or go look after your family. Mado Mado Tara xx
-
6exxy
11 years ago
I can relate to your story in parts. Here is the number one thing. Look after yourself first then you will also be able to maintain caring for your daughter. It is important that you stay strong, focused and caring for your daughter. There are things that you cannot change, let them go. Don't carry hate and anger from her mother to your daughter. Make it about the relationship you have with your daughter. Even in this others will see the positive beauty in caring for your daughter. I walk this path daily. Good luck ✌️ And I support you caring for your daughter.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Is that if you keep your daughter away from her dying mother she will never forgive you in later life. And she'll be in a different school where she can start with a clean slate, so it's win win for her. Sounds like an inconvenience for you. I have also found, to my cost over time, that life is rarely convenient. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Do you need a sea change too Why are you ranting anyway - Did I miss something If you were in her shoes - what would you do and just to let you know - kids adapt.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Fly your daughter up every week in your private jet. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Mado I'm assuming your the male half ,,, at what point did you ever conceive the idea that I don't care deeply for my daughter and family ,,, my profile was done out of frustration granted ,,, Now I do head miles on lots of things ,,, and try to consider the possibilitys ,,,, give it a go some day instead of just forming an instant opinion
-
RHP User
11 years ago
No I Need a tree change ,,, I have no doubt that she will adapt ,,, she has a strong soul,,, the rant was not really meant to be understood initially it was a frustration that people simply will instantly judge instead of seeing where it lead
-
RHP User
11 years ago
:) at what point do you really think you can judge me instantly and tell me to pretty much go fuck myself ? I am willing to listen to a point of view but at no point will I allow you to think that you have any idea as to any part of this story ,,, maybe you need to be a little less judgmental and a little concerned this private jet dont mind crashing into houses :)
-
RHP User
11 years ago
I've seen some selfish assholes on these forums, but you take out the number 1 prize. Congrats!!
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Perfect :)
-
RHP User
11 years ago
I do not know how old your daughter is but I understand kids are quite independent and intelligent nowadays, why don't you ask her what she wants. If that does not work, if you have a private jet maybe you can maybe fly her to & from for visits.
-
On_Safari
11 years ago
As for who wants what? In relation to your daughter, ask her not us. She'll tell you what she wants regardless of you two squabbling adults and it's HER wishes you should both be contemplating. Dying parent or not, she's going to be the most messed up one if neither of you put her first right now and listen.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Thanks for joining in . I have no intention of taking my daughter away from her mother ,,, the x has been a great provider for our daughter and she even told me that our daughter had told her that she would never choose between us , I loved that . Now I casually asked my daughter her thoughts with no hidden agenda or coersion , she was intent on moving which is fine . Part of my issue and I'm sure that I'll be able to divulge more is that X had informed me of such move and I replied with my concerns ,,, which was met with deathly silence ,,, hence a question does a single father ever have any input ?
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Initially I was going to give you both barrels. However, accepting your statement at face value that your ex wife has cancer and that you believe it may be terminal, I will give you the benefit of the doubt. God help you if you are lying. Having put that behind me, I will say you need to go. RHP is not the place for you right now. You need to take a step back, try to clear your head and look at the situation through the eyes of people other than you. Even if you are no longer married, you owe it to your daughter to support your ex wife, even if she is proposing things you do not like. You need to think about what is best for your daughter not just in her relationship with you but also with her mother. You need to appreciate that if what you say is true and you deny your daughter the limited time she has left to bond with her mother, you will face a terrible wrath, maybe not now, but certainly some time when she grows up, and that hatred will never abate because you can never undo that wrong. You need to take ownership of the situation and not blame others. You need to think about others and the consequences of your actions on their lives. You simply cannot do this through this site. That is not its role and your initial post shows how inappropriate it is to try to vent your frustration in this forum. I wish you all the best in the future decisions which you have to make as they will be hard and unpleasant. But you need to make those decisions and they need to be made in the real world, not here. By all means come back once the turmoil has resolved itself but you do no one, including yourself, any favours in pursuing this outburst here,
-
RHP User
11 years ago
I think you've crashed your private jet here dude
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Well at least you took the time to refrain from 2 barrels ,,, really this is not the real world ? With all due respect I believe that I am living in my real world ! And considering this is a make believe world me LYING about it should be of no consequence.as for an outburst yes it was a fragmented comment but amazing how quick people judge . The question that needs to be asked is why are there answers but fuck all ? Interesting!!!!
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Finally the boys will show there colours ,,,, don't beach the boat
-
Lovinit28andKC72
11 years ago
My X stopped me moving more than 200km from where he lived through the courts, that's if you'd like to drag your sick X and your daughter through that of course... It's up to you and your X, you need to work something out that is beneficial for the 3 of you. Yes sometimes it's hard, sometimes it sucks, sometimes we say and do things that aren't very nice, but you need to make it work, whatever happens....💋
-
RHP User
11 years ago
NO that is not what I want ,,, my daughter loves her mum and there's not a hope in hell I'd ever deny her of whatever amount of time is left ,,, could be more than any body could think ,,sorry I need to back track to another poster ,,, simple needs really I could have assed that you where a reasonable being but I believe your a follower
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Assessed lmao appropriate maybe ?
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Not touching this one.......
-
RHP User
11 years ago
jets go fast you miss everything ! Walk ! You can clear your mind You can see everything You can walk off the negative You can walk into positive You can think about it clearly You can feel your answer You can make the right decision. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Maybe the way you posed your questions and your reaction to some of the answers is why you have received negative answers? You have a lot of anger and that is understandable in the given situation.. I'm glad you asked your daughter her opinion. It will let her know that her feelings are important.I can understand that your ex wants your (as in both of you) daughter to be with her right now. As a mother I would want the same. You asked when does a single father have any input. Sadly, you will have ALL of the input once your childs' mother passes. Very few of us, if any, are qualified psychologists. May I suggest getting counselling for you and your daughter? I also wish you all of the best in this terrible situation.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
How with all your knowledge did you come up with a complete profile as to know the circumstances and the true understanding as to who I am ? From My profile ,,, no ,,, so I'm intrigued as to how you came to the conclusion ?
-
RHP User
11 years ago
No ,, no one is trained in psychology on here ,, I have constantly read posts on here and the fabric of those post are so similar that it is boring ,,, yes we all like sex ,, yes we all like to explore , but does that mean there can't be a real conversation about real life ,, yes I took Of fence ( yes it's a typo ) to the fact that I shouldn't be here but in a real world ,,, wtf are we that dumb that real issues can't be discussed here ?
-
RHP User
11 years ago
The negative answers don't bother me ,,, I think the headline simply sums up my underlying ?
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Well played, sir. Very well done - OP, please take note. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
It's hard to keep up with the order of comments as they come in so I'll try to keep it on track .Ok seems I need to back track to a couple of boys ,,, twisted and single guy ,,, boys get the fuck over it ( in good terms ) I own a private jet ( correct ? ) the punch line is my mum owns the spa ,,, and you'd be surprised at the abuse and misinterpretation I've had from women on that ,,,, fuck I had one girl abuse me saying she didn't care about money lmao She didn't care to read I think
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Comments don't run in order ,, I've response to comments and then looked back ,,, and found hidden gold ,,, such is life :)
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Thanks mate . I've gone through possible outcomes and I have but one option ,,, now that may entail that I need to go away from my daughter and really focus on making sure my eggs are lined up . It's a serious proposition that I'm aware of ,,, I Want my daughter to take every opportunity to see her mum and see her take on her best attributes ( and there's no need for me to tell her the shit ones lol ) I want her to grow and be a good human ,,, and you could say I'm delusional but she's got it covered :)
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Its a bit of a piss off ,, I'm happy to comment on comments in order but I'm now greeting comments slotted in wherever ? Fine I'll check all comments
-
RHP User
11 years ago
how much distance are we talking if she moves? Have you discussed arrangements for school holidays if the distance is great, if the sea change is close enough weekends are still not out of the picture. Considering the bully issue, a change may be welcomed by your daugher and both of you as caring parents. Will your ex wife have support to care for your daughter if you are not close enough to help? Would you consider the sea change with her but no really with her, if you get what I mean?
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Questions ,,, wow ,,, ok daughter wil be within 3.5 hrs but in fairness we can fly the country nearly in that time My x as she does has said that she would drive her to Me and I don't perceive that that would never be her intention ,, ok I'm seeing my issues . My ex wife has a partner whom I've met ,, not a bad guy ,, I feel comfortable he will treat her well . As for the bulling I watched it intensely and yes I even got told to relax ,, but I struggled A with the perceived pain on my part ,,, the real pain on her part ,, and I have reconciled the process it was a bit ago so agreed its not going to hurt her socially to connect with others ,,, I'm concerned that it may be a lot harder on the journey back ,, now I'll be hammered for this but her mother may pass ,,, but I need to deal with the new real world of my daughter ,,, maybe over protective but won't change it. And yes she offered me the sea change ,,, but it was not a genuine offer it was simply to put her case at ease and these ate completely different issues
-
madotara69
11 years ago
I did not tell you to go fuck yourself, I suggested you shove your jet plane up your arse and that is for upsetting Tara, so you are a little quick off the block for calling judgement. If you wrote it up to test some theory on judgement, then consider that it also may come across as disturbing, also if you could consider there is people here who care for your daughter and for that of her unwell mother, so amongst the confusion as to whether you are a fruit loop or a loving father, you may well be chuffed that judgement is the lesser of matters over the best interests for your child, she will always be daddies little girl, but her soul chose who her mother is, you honour that and come out the better man, maybe you loved that lady too and maybe you still do. None of our business, but somewhere amongst all this is a place for you to stand proud and best of luck you see this through with some piece on your side. If you wish too crash that jet plane into our house, let us know when and we will get out of the way, but I want dibs on the air conditioning unit and go you halves in the scrap aluminium, it'd be worth a few bob.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Nice save ,, no one wants a jet up there ass ,, but do me a favoure don't hide behind a skirt :) I really dont see how I was quick to judge when you clearly where the judge ,, I spasmodically got a story out and you jumped on it ,,,, maybe over time you might get a clearer picture and I look forward to your impending judgement
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Good comments but stay of google lol if you truly meant that I tip my hat
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Fuck your no fun
-
RHP User
11 years ago
DG needs a beer and BBQ flavoured jerky lol :p - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Spent a fair amount of time looking and reading forums ,,, very much female dominated and men to timid or not prepared to put them selves in the spotlight . Pretty much a female perspective . Well I can say that it's nice to see the boys have a crack and of u think I'm not up to date do a back check there's a huge back catalogue :)
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Ive read and re read your post ,,,, so many holes it's hard to know where to start ! So I will . Who are you to hide behind a curtain or skirt and preach to me who my daughters soul is attached to . There's no doubt in my mind that it's her mother , and I'm glad for it but don't dismiss the connection we have and I promise you I don't even have to try ,,, I'll put it this way ,,, you know that friend that regardless of the time separated ,,, we won't miss a beat,,,,, now the fact that I'm a fruit loop , because lets face it you can take individual words and form an opinion ,,, yes I am and one of the best fuckin fruit loops you shalll meet , or at least converse with online
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Was confused as to if you where aknoleging ( can't be fucked looks good though ) me but I take it as a compliment ,, I've seen your posts for a bit to know you have soul Cheers bro
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Sir stir have no idea who needs a beer and beef jerky but it was a Monty that you'd come in with a comment lol . I did have a few last night and re read my post assuming I may have had some regrets ,,,, but no fruit loops is very comftable - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
I've read your subsequent comments, and my opinion still stands. You say you want what's best for your daughter but you are so caught up in your own grievances with your ex and what you think you are owed that it's clouding all of your actions and thinking. In short, you're not putting your daughter first. I also see in your comments that you are holding bitterness not just towards your ex but towards women in general. You can dislike me all you want I don't give a shit, I'm used to it on here, but just remember this... your daughter will one day be a woman and the way you talk about and treat women in her presence will affect her own sense of self and self worth for the rest of her life. Particularly if your story is true and you are soon to be your daughter's primary carer. I'm going to add to the suggestions that you seek some professional counselling to help you deal with some of the issues in your life and your responsibilities as a father. If possible, some family counselling with your ex and daughter would also be very valuable.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
OP, you are obviously new around the forum and don't know my history. My wife died of breast cancer 7 years ago. We went through 3 years of chemo etc. I have a young daughter. So similar situation to yours without the divorce. I know the emotional turmoil that run through the mind in this situation and how hard it is to focus. I can tell you that after 7 years my daughter has no direct memories of her mother but I catch her going through photo albums and she clings to possessions from that period because they belonged to mummy. I know how precious the next few months and hopefully years will be in building the emotional bond between your daughter and her mother to last into your daughter's adulthood. It is also the case that I was prepared to do anything for my wife because I knew her time was limited, whereas I would still have my daughter after my wife died. Your initial posts and subsequent responses are erratic and frankly all about you when you should be thinking about a bigger picture. And the advice I was seeking to impart on you, from my own experience, was that this is not the right venue to be airing such thoughts. You can take my advice or ignore it. But at the end of the day, you will live with the consequences of your actions for many years to come. I hope for the sake of you, your daughter and your ex wife that you stop and think before you act.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Sorry dude I could write a book about what you're saying...and yes is agree in essence in what you're saying in that it takes a 50% input in creating life and yet when you're not entirely receiving 50% of the chances to be a parent as well, it can get you down. Really down; especially when it seems the system and our exes are hell bent against us. However..... When you take the emotion out of your decision making and your dealing with the situation you tend to see things from a whole new perspective.... It's a hard you're on and I don't envy you at all, but all you can really do is make the most of every minute you DO have with your daughter and show her through your actions what life is all about. This means that you have your boundaries in place as a parent, but make every experience you have with your daughter a positive one.... After all they never stay young enough for long enough, and I'd hate for you to wake up one day not ever knowing your daughter at all.....as that's usually fatal for a parents spirit from regretting all the things you didn't do as you were so busy feeling hurt and cheated by the system. I hope this makes a very blurry comment a tad more focused. :) - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
At no point was I derogatory towards you or possibly you have taken of fence to one word . And knowing exactly who I am I am going to disregard your ignorance ,, I had a call for a very active forum poster on this site whom I know ,,, concerned was her main priority ,,, now after a lengthy conversation and dissecting all ,,, she wanted to go in to bat for me ,,, but I'm happy to go this alone because I want to see true judgments ,,,, but I can tell you on her behalf ,,, and she would not disagree I've thought about nothing but what is appropriate for my daughter and wtf is the story of people ? Whether I'm telling the truth ,,, once again judgmental and no consideration to anyone bar your hurt feelings about a one word reply
-
madotara69
11 years ago
Quoting 'Ihaveaprivatejet' Ive read and re read your post ,,,, so many holes it's hard to know where to start ! So I will . Who are you to hide behind a curtain or skirt and preach to me who my daughters soul is attached to . There's no doubt in my mind that it's her mother , and I'm glad for it but don't dismiss the connection we have and I promise you I don't even have to try ,,, I'll put it this way ,,, you know that friend that regardless of the time separated ,,, we won't miss a beat,,,,, now the fact that I'm a fruit loop , because lets face it you can take individual words and form an opinion ,,, yes I am and one of the best fuckin fruit loops you shalll meet , or at least converse with online I'm an angel.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
I have to admit this guy is getting a full bashing. Not sure about most posters tho, I have never met this person nor his ex nor her new partner, who will also be helping to raise/nurture and comfort the OP's daughter while her mother is dying. How do you people know his wife is not being a cunt regardless of her health. How do yo know the OP can not articulate his thoughts in script as well as some as you can? Sure he comes across as somewhat aggressive though perhaps he is just reaching out too. Call it selfish call it what ever you like though I see absolute no empathy from most forum regulars. I get his ex wife may pass away and I also get forgiveness is never easy. This man has lost his wife already for what ever reasons - and is about to lose her again on a deeper level as the other of his child. It's different and so are the emotions. OP you do what ever it is you feel is correct for you in your heart - as I believe it will be correct for your daughter in the long run. I also think you are over thinking everything as is others in here.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Aggressive !!! Possibly true but I like to think of it as healthy debate ,,, I obviously needed to download somewhere and trust me I knew I'd get a healthy backlash so back was already planted on wall Not sure if your saying I'm inarticulate or just failing to make my point clear ,,, second option sounds right Definitely not here for empathy . Like the fact that I can voice my opinion and not give a fuck about the haters
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Who the other child was
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Agree with madotara69 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
On_Safari
11 years ago
Happens quite a bit 'round here.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
It was posted here for specific reasons ,,, I read the post and don't actively join them and I'll respect the fact that all people have an entitlement to an opinion but I knew full well that posters would come hard at me ,,, so it's a great place to vent the frustration that was building and I take pleasure knowing I was going to give it back ,, since posting had an opportunity to discuss with a few people and gave them a broader view ,, anyway long story short I was looking for a fight so to speak . As for how I am today same position as yesterday but with a smile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
2 people have told me your story so yes I was aware of it ,,, maybe they might take the time to give you a clearer picture as to how selfish I'm being or whether my intentions are well and truly in the right place . Sorry about the passing . And if this is not the place to air my grievances can you please explain why it's ok for you ?
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Ok
-
RHP User
11 years ago
As funny as I find your comments I enjoy the fact you give a serve if you like this place needs it My daughter is fine we have great fun when where together ,, and kids are plenty capable of bouncing back
-
madotara69
11 years ago
Quoting 'Ihaveaprivatejet' At no point was I derogatory towards you or possibly you have taken of fence to one word . And knowing exactly who I am I am going to disregard your ignorance ,, I had a call for a very active forum poster on this site whom I know ,,, concerned was her main priority ,,, now after a lengthy conversation and dissecting all ,,, she wanted to go in to bat for me ,,, but I'm happy to go this alone because I want to see true judgments ,,,, but I can tell you on her behalf ,,, and she would not disagree I've thought about nothing but what is appropriate for my daughter and wtf is the story of people ? Whether I'm telling the truth ,,, once again judgmental and no consideration to anyone bar your hurt feelings about a one word reply See what is going on here, inyajet? Now it makes sense why barking up the wrong tree. You mentioned last night half pissed by the sounds of it, that you wanted belief not judgement. You are going to have to go back and re-re-read those posts again, otherwise it has been a complete waste of time. Jeez bet you kick yourself for that bugger up, its alright though, we can start off fresh, all fuzzy and meaninfull, even have a sing along, we believe in you, straight from an angel indeed.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
That is one very fragile olive branch ,,, not sure I'm ready to grab hold of that yet lol
-
madotara69
11 years ago
Take a leap of faith, Rod sent us himself, there is an Ark Angel looking in on you here. (cool Band too)
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Have no idea who rod is ,, so that's not making it any better
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Divorce and loss of a marriage as well as the care of your children is already full of grief and all the complex emotions around ensuring the safety, both mental and physical, of your child. Some advice that was given to me was to ensure I stayed sound, reliable and strong but most of all available to my daughter. I was unfortunately in a situation where my ex became very involved in religious extremism and tried very hard to isolate me from my daughter. By being consistent, caring and available as well as offering a place where she felt cared for and loved meant that eventually she decided to come and live with me. There are times where your anger and self doubt can get the better of you and in these time to make sure you pause and utilise those who will let you vent and bounce your thought off. To be the father you daughter needs, you need to care for yourself. I agree with those other posts that while there is an attraction to be on here, at this point in time there are better options and professional support does help. It is often hard for us guys to seek out support but in times like this it is important to surround yourself with all the networks of good friends and good professional services. There are men's resource centres around the country and no matter what area they are based in they can provide info regarding many of the issues your dealing with. Good luck with it all.
-
madotara69
11 years ago
Rod, some silly bugger missspelt it with a G, ran around calling out God, God, God telling all sorts of stories about him. It gave Rod the shits because he is a party animal and loves a good game of darts, all of a sudden it was inappropriate to behave free spirited, a bit of swinging now and then, anything that makes you feel good banned. Most have backed off a bit these days so he is up to mischief when ever the chance spasmodically impends. So inyajet, you know how you were thinking judgemental and in doing so everything appeared judgemental and if you are thinking belief everything can appear as such. Angry for angry, depressing for depressing, we could go on forever but I can't be bothered.+1, Women the whole bloody lot of them? Well, I am in love with Toro [sic], her name is Tara, (you might want to fix that up because if she sees you she might well squeeze your nuts for a short while, I did see her smile when you lol'd earlier though) So I love her, I am in love with a woman, so I see all women as beautiful for beautiful, even the cranky ones are still beautiful just out of place with something or another. I'm going out on a limb here, I do not wish to disrespect anyone for reason or rhyme, but from the bits and pieces where you settled from the onslaught of venting, it appears you actually have things in as best can be expected considering. I believe you are in between a rock and a hard place, family affairs you have compromised all but everything and probably a bit lonely for it all. For a while you may just need somewhere to occupy the thoughts and ride the time with its course. I'm of the opinion that there is some fantastic people right here, and you have had a taste of the conversing in person, different than lurking on the sidelines. Maybe take shelter here in the forums for a while, we all know you have a storm in your path, so do others here too. You showed yourself a little and there is a great sense of humour and yeah I am a fruit loop too, the best fruit loop you'd ever come across. I for one would enjoy some fruit loop banter with you for as long is for long. This is a long post so many won't even read it. Up to you inyerjet. madotara Mado Tara xx
-
Lovinit28andKC72
11 years ago
When there is a child involved, you have to suck it up, you have to try and make it work the best you can, it really is that simply...... The child come first, regardless of angry, regret, sadness, bitterness, resentment, whatfuckinever, who's the adults and who's the child....💋
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Valid points made and noted ,,, but am wondering why a good old fashioned vent on here is not a healthy thing ,,, I definitely feel better for it , nothing wrong with blowing of steam - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Spelt correctly I think as I don't need a nut squeeze I've got enough of that already , as for the olive branch well that looks like a much better lump of wood to grab - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Well I don't think I've used that word . I really need to make this clear I was blowing of steam I'm not here bitter or thinking my worlds collapsing and those that know me will say with out a doubt that my child is my priority - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
despite your attempts to do all you can.... Hope things go well for you.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
As in the airline safety speeches, in an emergency you are to fasten your own oxygen first then that of children. Why? Because without it, you will be useless to them. Look after you, then you can look after your daughter.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Thanks - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Well mate theres not a lot you can do except sit back and wait. If your ex is dying the day will come your daughters mother will be gone and she will need you then. As a daughter she would feel an obligation to be at her mothers side thus it not being a reflection on you that she wants to be with her mother.As for your daughter being bullied it is sickening that parents encourage and participate in it.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Well I'm the pilot of this flight and trust me there's a couple of parachutes tucked away safely for us ,,, the rest of the flights in trouble though :) - Posted from rhpmobile
-
madotara69
11 years ago
Wood is stronger than steel, weight for weight?
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Stats on your "rant"....you referred to these words on this many occasions. Children1Child2Daughter 3Wife or X 4I 13200% more mentions of you over your child / daughter......Wont do wife comparison, if this happened precisely the way you tell us id have mentioned her less given the alleged tone set which allegedly lead to your daughter being bullied......Not Cool - at all - ever.....
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Lovinit28' When there is a child involved, you have to suck it up, you have to try and make it work the best you can, it really is that simply...... The child come first, regardless of angry, regret, sadness, bitterness, resentment, whatfuckinever, who's the adults and who's the child....💋 A parent has to be able to look after a child 100%. We may be adults, though we also go through weak moments throughout our lives. Some of are just not as strong as perhaps - You.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Firstly ill say parenting separation issues can be immensely complex & we have 2 seconds worth of info.....if there are no court orders AVOs alleged or actual threats and all parties feel completely safe..............then...... Question: how far away is the X allegedly moving.....? ===========If this happened exactly as you say.......more than likely tainted your way...... Response...If the move is going to prevent your daughter spending substantial & quality time with you - AND.......... If the mother actually 100% conducted a setting which unequivocally lead to your daughter being bullied - and you can actually prove this in court....I would think she may face some difficulties even though she is in pretty bad health.....the degree of her health issues I would think would impact leniency her way.. However I would think she is still required to take her "move" into account in terms of the impact on your daughter regardless of her own health.....sounds harsh but the legal principle is that children have a right to a relationship with their mother and father....but the mother and father do not have a right to a relationship with the child.........True check it out....there must be 6000 other legal principles too.. What would I do right now if this happened exactly as above.... LOOK AFTER YOURSELF - best advice I can give....besides you need to as you have to do these things too....Get off this site or any site like it right now - until you have this sorted out.If you've not done this - SEEK counselling tomorrow.....You will be stronger and better equipped to handle the situation....u may have already....Drop all your outward hatred & anger right now.....Stay in strongest possible contact with your daughter, time together, texts, phone calls, emails, letters, etc etc etcGo to the mother with cap in hand and plead with her to consider the impact on your daughter....Do not give up - ever - Keep batting and batting and batting...........ANDSeek strong legal advice Tomorrow. Once the move is done it will be more difficult to prevent... find the right solicitor and $400ph investment will pay dividends...if this is tough financially get a personal loan....again do not give up - ever Good luck mate & do not be fooled by sterotyping and some lessons you had to learn - Fatherhood is primal - We can be the 100% father we want to be / are..... Goodbye if I see you here more than 1 week I shall bully you.......just kidding....but - see ya in 6 months anyway.... Are you still here?
-
RHP User
11 years ago
At no point did I say the mother was involved in the bullying of our child ,,, we actively stood side by side on that one ,,, my point being was that gossiping mothers come to conclusions on lots of things with very little information , very much like this post and the number of people that have came to all sorts of conclusions based on very little information and that's not gender specific , I was not surprised at the amount of advice I received but very few asked ? Or seeked more clarification ( maybe do the percentages on that numbers man ) now that would make some interesting reading - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
I'm still attached to my x for the simple fact that we try our best to do what's right for our daughter ,,, do effectively where still a partnership in that regard . Now there's no way that we will agree on everything ,,, but I've no doubt that lots have came to a simple conclusion that there is a hatred and angst between us , I still have a healthy respect for her as a person . Would have been nice is people seeked clarification and asked question instead of assuming - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
And there's no way I will deny my daughter time with her mum ,,, sure it's a piss off that my feelings where disregarded ,,, but I'm not going to sabotage and destroy the family at the expense of anyone - Posted from rhpmobile
-
Seachange73
11 years ago
Agree with the latter advice about he OP looking after his wellbeing first as he needs to be there for his daughter when the time comes that she will be left bereft without a much loved parent, but disagree about pursuing litigation as be the first line of attack to the issue. I think it is more complex than that and we only get a glimpse or a sliver of the truth. I do not expect him to reveal it as this is not a very conducive place to resolve such sensitive issues specially if a child is involve. OP, I feel for you and you are in pain and it is ok to vent your anger and frustration. Sometimes, life and its tests can seem overwhelming and you may feel alone carrying the burden so time to step back and take stock. We can only imagine the problems you are going thru and am not one to quickly judge on you as this is no trivial matter. So many issues wrapped into one big package. My ex-partner went through something very similiar with his late wife some 15 years ago and it was very difficult for him to express himself and seek help. However, so not to rock the boat and to some degree make life easy for himself (thereby washing his hands from his responsibilty on addressing any of the issues at the time) , he supported his ex-wife's decision to travel and live with in Europe with his young daughter and even funded the trip for 15months. Didnt have any contact with them. Money was no object and he can well afford it but it also caused a rift between them. They came back, moved to Byron and she passed away there. He got her back but she was a virtual stranger and an angry young woman. Long story. To this day, his relationship with his adult daughter (25yo) has remained strained at best. she has lost focus on life and is in all sorts of problems that he is forever bailing her out. She blames him for abandonment and I see her point. Wont go into details as irrelevant to this case. Be strong, be kind to yourself and be there for your daughter when she needs you. You had some really good advice from people above but as previously suggested, seek professional help for yourself, your daughter and even involve your ex wife. This is a family matter and should not be dismissed as issues in isolation. May your days forward be brighter and kinder to you and your family. Every day is another chance to make life better. When it gets too much, tackle one day at a time, sleep off the issues for the night as it will still be there when you wake up . But this time, you are in better shape in the morning, to handle it. God speed.
-
AnnieWhichway
11 years ago
"Step away from the keyboard Annie" when I saw this topic yesterday. "He needs compassion and understanding and your in a bitch of mood", I was told. I sat back oiling my shotgun. But today, I have a brief window of opportunity. So strap in Jet. Professionally, they gather information from all angles before making or giving advice. You have asked the forum for opinions and we can offer those on the information you gave us, 2/10's of fuck all. Despite that, there has been lots of kind helpful advice from these wonderful people. In your words, you "could not be bothered" in elaborating as to what you want answers to. Well i could not be "bothered" in asking you questions but I can give you my opinion of the facts before me. Your profile gives us a good insight to your mind. It's tipped over the edge.You need help and for someone like me, who is pretty fucked up, to say that, well....... SensualAries hit the nail on the head with his stats. It's all about you, you , you.You are bitter and twisted toward women in general probably from your failed marriage. You want to make this a gender thing between men and women. I got that from your comment about "don't beach the boat" boys. Doesn't need Einstein to work out that your daughter has to be with her mother in the situation. Should not have to even ask the question for fucks sake. You just have to support the situation in whatever way you can and not tell the world how badly the hand you have been dealt. What happens after that is the worrying part from the snippets of info we have. But whatever advice you get from here, you wont take it because its all a sprout to say "Woe is me!" Get help for god's sake. Your profile says that by itself let alone any other dribble you give us. Counsellors/shrinks aren't so bad. They made me into the normal people I am today..... so get into some!!
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Gender warfare is not what I was after ,,, if a female had posed the same question would it have been approached the same way as it has here ? As for the don't beach your boat ,,, it was a simple as he commented that I crashed the plane ,,, I commented on don't beach the boat just a snide remark that had nothing to do with nothing - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
And if your wondering why I made that comment ,,, he's sitting on a boat in his profile pic - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
You also have come up with a complete profile as to who I am with a one sentence comment ,, as for the profile well you shouldn't judge a book by its cover I'd have thought you would know that better than most - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Thanks for not passing an instant judgment ,,, I have a great relationship with my daughter ,, but I am concerned about the future and the impact of all these things wrapped into a little package are siting there wait g for her and off course it would worry any parent that she could go of the rails and struggle in later life ,,, that's in the lap of the gods so to speak , every person has to deal with death and we know that there's no wrong or right in how to deal with it ,,, and everybody will have there own unique story behind it ,,, I'd like to think we wouldn't have a strained relationship in the years to come and me being there for her is all I can do ,,, just have to deal with it on day to day basis ,my daughter has had counseling for a while because of the school incident and I have watched her grow into a strong independent girl ,,, it also is a huge bonus that she has built a great repaw with councillor / psychologist ,,, which can only be a excellent sounding board for her if and when her mother passes ,,,, feel a bit let down at the moment though because I didn't have to defend myself this time :) - Posted from rhpmobile
-
AnnieWhichway
11 years ago
Quoting 'Ihaveaprivatejet' You also have come up with a complete profile as to who I am with a one sentence comment ,, as for the profile well you shouldn't judge a book by its cover I'd have thought you would know that better than most - Posted from rhpmobile Had to judge the book by the cover because there's fuck all book to read! As for me, I have 2 covers and strangely, 2 books. And rather than post 3 separate times to the same person, l'll do it one go. When thinking clearly, one can do that. If you had been a female posting it vice a versa, my opinion would be exactly the same. As far as I'm concerned gender has nothing to do with the situation. There is still a child that needs to be with the one that needs her most, whether that was mother or father, to savour what quality time is left for the 2 of them. That's a no brainer. You just have to be unselfish about it and put your dented pride and inconvenienced life to the side, treat your ex partner with some humility as any person should treat another who has limited time left. Your time to shine will come. Just make sure there's something there to shine when you need to because at the moment, it very dark and dank. Dont try and pretend you didn't play the gender card. Read your OP. While your at it, read your profile and translate to us all, what the fuck all that means
-
RHP User
11 years ago
No accusations of passive aggressive in this topic?! Shit.... I think I just got involved.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
I shall heed some advice ,,, mull some advice over and totally disregard some "advice" thanks for participating Special mention to sir stir A simple message of "are u ok ? " Was a surprise but well recieved - Posted from rhpmobile
-
Seachange73
11 years ago
Quoting 'Ihaveaprivatejet' feel a bit let down at the moment though because I didn't have to defend myself this time :) - Posted from rhpmobile I think you are hankering for a fight with all your defensive responses to people's comments, some not so perceptive nor sensitive on their part considering that state of your mind and your situation. However, it is no excuse for bad behaviour on your part. I think you are more intelligent than that, just a bit confused at this point. I suggest to ignore these negative crap and get off this thread before these forum does your head in. You are no better off from where you started. Some are also baiting you for a fight for their own reasons and do not engage. It is a battle not worth fighting. You have so much pent up frustration because you are concerned with your child's future. As a parent myself, your concerns are understandable. Clearly, you care for your daughter so much but the forum is not the place to showcase your problem. The forum could just prove to be a momentary distraction to the realities of your problems. But you already know that. Your frustrastions are causing you to lose focus on the main issue and you are inviting all these 'side-ring' fights to cloud your vision. Instead, re-focus your energy on the main issue and ignore the noise. Learn to be still and the noise will subside and gather yourself to address the real issue, putting in a realistic strategy to mitigate the risks for yourself and your daughter's longtime mental health and wellbeing. Think of the times after the 'event'. Put contingencies, how are you going to look after her, etc. Set some expectations in discussions with her while the emotions are not running too high. Get some contingency plans in place for situations that could arise. But lead as she has enough on her little plate to deal with the 'bullying'. I feel for your daughter as she has so much to deal with at such a young age. The time will come WHEN she loses her mother, emotional turmoil will set in. A well thought out strategy and set of actions to deal with different situations will enable you to navigate thru the confusion and uncertainty and take the emotion out of situation. Your daughter will appreciate this and admire you for being the ROCK she can rely on and won't feel you have abandoned her. Glad to hear your relationship is strong but counselling for BOTH of you not just her is in order. The whole family dynamics should be assessed and addressed in toto and not on an ad hoc basis. Sometimes, letting off steam is good. I suggest to go to a boxing gym and hit the bags and even get some training. Go for a run. Long walks. whatever. You get all anger out, get to focus your energy and then go back to the main job of helping yourself and your daughter.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Takin on board Lilly orchard ,,, but I would like to walk away from this and have this as the last post ,, hopefully others will respect my wishes - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
having just read this thread, and as a dad estranged from adult daughter through marital strife, AND considering OP topic not judgementsOpen forum with beliefsI have to say (very politely) there are people from both genders speaking out of their own clouded issues (understatement), really not helpful. Genuine back flipping excepted. Sir Stir and lilyorchard thank you for bringing some sensitivity and sense back into it. OP support your daughter and x as much as you can, they dont have much time together, you wont lose both. Sow into her future with love, it will come back eventually. Be patient. Trust your heart.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
But I think I'm going to have some serious problems actually just having this forum end lol As per my last message whether it be support or someone that has an indifference with me I'd like to end the forum and let this just wash away ,,,not only healthy for me but for all in general ,,, there's plenty of information already gathered - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
JET mate if you reread my 2 posts i would hope you see them as a tough love position. Again 200% more mentions of I. Mate im saying your daughter is No1. As I clearly said we have 2 seconds worth of information. i can see with your later posts that you hold ur daughter as No1, And thats great the way it should be.. You shall notice i did not mention the word litigation i most definitely alluded to it - it may ultimately be necessary to protect her. In other words if the mother as i said is moving too far away that such would impact your quality and substantial time with your daughter. But held the initial position of negotiating with ur Ex before hand. Again in circumstances such as these I would not even be on a site like this as my 100% focus would already be on my kids importantly on my own health foremost...... If a plane goes down fit the O2 mask to yourself fisrt before attempting to help others. Theres a v good reason for this. Take care.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Just read ur last post. Take care
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Hmm at the end of the day care factor zero, sort your shit out and move forward. Something's should remain private, this is the hand you have been dealt, so now you need to accept the situation and deal with it. Good luck Cheers - Posted from rhpmobile
-
Seachange73
11 years ago
Op. Request to mods to close touch this forum thread if you have not done so yet. go to customer support. I submitted the request last night to close the thread on your behalf. Maybe It'll be actioned today. Good luck.
-
AnnieWhichway
11 years ago
Just wanted to say there was no malice toward you in my post. I was in a far darker place than you at one time. People sugarcoated their thoughts and I took little notice. It was only when they gave me both barrels that my ears pricked up and thought "really" and I sought help that saved my life. So take what you can from your experience here and good luck to the 3 of you. Annie
-
RHP User
11 years ago
I'm not entirely sure why you are getting so severely attacked to be honest. Did I miss something? I think men get shafted big time when families break up and sadly lots off women use their children as pawns, I see it time and time again I wish you and your Daughter all the best and hope you can find a happy compromise. I also wish you ex all the best in her treatment and hopefully a speedy recovery
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Transference and counter transference could be debated endlessly ,,, I haven't got the energy for it - Posted from rhpmobile
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 15096 Comments: 88161
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1416 Comments: 10253
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2520 Comments: 11718
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2503 Comments: 9786
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 997 Comments: 5041
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1301 Comments: 5770
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 779 Comments: 1981
-
LGBT
Topics: 170 Comments: 869
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share