F56
PLEASE have that difficult chat with your kids.......
January 12 2014
Comments
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madotara69
12 years ago
We get what you are saying and your energy to it. It's happening all to often, some-things wrong for it to be that way. The numbers too high for it all to be considered a miner problem, It won't happen to me sort of reckoning, does not help. Not trying to change course to the message you are sending. It was an interview regarding charities actually. A question asked was "what is it that makes charities stand out, more successful?" It was the responce that is to what you are saying MissKay. It was a man, the interviewer a woman. He said the most outstanding charity he could reference as effectively changing the ways people become involved to things like you are speaking for MissKay, was a charity dealing with women and rape and all to it. The charity used the slogan "1 in every 4 women will be raped. "will it be your mother or sister your wife or your daughter." For statistics, it showed that there was a remarkable amount of men that contributed to the charity as their slogan bought men into thinking towards women and rape, had men feeling more responsible to it, bought it close to home. That just rings to some of what you have said MissKay. It would be great to see something that stood out for the kids and who is thinking for the chances to it all, the statistics you mention shows it is all a little to easy and the kids don't know it is coming, only when it has. Yes we have a very open relationship with our kids, to know they can find it easy to speak about anything at all, it keeps things close to home. Thanks for your concerns Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
You guys seem to have done the very best I can think of for prevention and treatment. It might be obvious but the only thing I can think to offer is to make sure our kids know they need to respect other people's bodies too. Oh ok, and maybe get your school in on the message if they aren't already.
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Lovinit28andKC72
12 years ago
Have been having this talk regularly with my kids from a very young age, and they need to know that they can come to us as parents with anything... My kids are the most important people in my life and I will protect them with all that I have, and I'm happy to say that this is one of the things that my ex and I actually agree on... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
You need to be telling your children as soon as they can talk what is appropriate or not. Give them the skills to say no or understand that they can speak up. So from when they are 2.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Great parenting advice. I'm a huge advocate of this. If anyone needs to find out more about how to approach these conversations you can go to childwise, also the Victorian education department have a fantastic resource package around their sex and sexuality unit that is all about protective behaviors. An ounce of prevention is better than a tonne of cure. - Posted from rhpmobile
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On_Safari
12 years ago
xx
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him_and_me
12 years ago
Quoting 'Awesome71'If anyone needs to find out more about how to approach these conversations you can go to childwise, also the Victorian education department have a fantastic resource package around their sex and sexuality unit that is all about protective behaviors. An ounce of prevention is better than a tonne of cure. - Posted from rhpmobile Thank you for those resources. Quoting 'I_N_D_A_G_I_N_E' xx Ditto. x Me
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RHP User
12 years ago
MissKay, sorry to hear of this firstly. I want I make a very important point here, and that is you did everything right from the beginning of setting up a context of what is right and what is wrong- a child needs to know it is wrong to begin with, and that they have the final say of what does and does not happen with their body- to making sure your child will be heard and believed, then have that information acted upon instantly. How you have handled this will be probably THE most important message that your child will learn from this, and that is that she is NOT responsible for what happened, and from that, the worst of the damage that can happen has been already addressed. She has also learnt a very valuable lesson in trust, loyalty, love, safety and protection from you, that she can rely on you when it is needed most. I have known many people who have been sexually abused as children, and the things that fuck with their heads is that they feel responsible for it happening, that they won't be believed, that they are shamed because no one talks about it openly, and that they have to keep it a secret, and deal with it all by themselves internally. Your child may learn a good sense of empowerment from how you have all handled this, a very valuable life lesson, in spite of the nature of what occurred. Well handled, and much kudos to you. Your post here is a great example for all parents and carers. This needs to be spoken about openly and often, between parents and children, and within everyday society. xox
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RHP User
12 years ago
We have always encouraged our children to be forth coming with any problems they may experience.From a very early age we gave them the time and truthful information the required On any subject at all. Our lines of communication have always been open....even if we'd had a bad day or what ever. It is up to all parents to be the guiding force for their children's development....no one else is responsible for your child. It is also necessary to have actions in place for after an unwanted event may occur to ensure your child does not develop feelings of guilt or inadequate for events they did not invite into their lives. Our children have always been given their own time with us to discuss any matter they require and we still have family talks even though they have their own lives now. Great work Miss Kay - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
In the words of Joe Strummer from The Clash - 'Let fury have the hour / anger can be power / don't you know that you can use it?' Most of us are taught as children to be polite, not raise our voices, and to obey adults. In 99% of situations that's good advice, it's only when something like MissKay described that it's good for children to get angry. I heard at uni that, horrifically enough, adults who are used to offending are not put off when children cry. But there's some evidence to show that when children get angry, stern or assertive it can stop offenders. For those who haven't heard of them, there are two charity groups in Australia that provide information, support and counselling for children. Google ACT for Kids & Bravehearts.
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zoe69r
12 years ago
I agree fully with you but until the laws are changed to offer stiffer penalties for these scum of the world who do these atroshis things it will never be stopped ,
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Beachlover1999
12 years ago
Without scaring them, if it's on the news my son and I talk about it, what makes him feel uncomfortable and what to do. I use different scenarios and ask him what he would do and not just giving advice, it is a far more effective learning tool and enabling. Miss Kay this is the worst scenario for you (any parent) with those you thought you could trust and in your home. Take care, my heart goes out to your family. :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Report the behavior to the appropriate authorities. No matter who or what their age or how messing the situation may get. Who's to say this is not the first time for the offender. Preventing this kind of situation of this is a hell of a lot better than attempting to pick up the pieces once it has happens. Kudos to you both being able to sort it out quickly. Please do not forget to educate both your sons and your daughters. Abuse is abuse no matter what the gender. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
My heart n thoughts here? I've had this chat several times with my kids and will continue to do so till the day I die... We as adults must stamp out any such dealings towards children regardless of there sex n or age... I still tell my 22yo son
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'd like to see the punishment fit here re these people ? Put them in a room with the child's family and if they make it out alive so be it but I'd doubt any would make it out alive... Grrrr as a father of six this cuts deep
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madotara69
12 years ago
The kids are also being touched through the internet chat sites, Keeping young in spirit with your kids certainly helps to be involved with the environment they are in communications with. Different language and behaviours than memories of us parents, it is us who can easily be naive to what is around, things are moving faster by the day, our kids don't have an age limit as they are getting older, they can teach us just as important. They need to feel important, better know they are and stronger the little or bigger persons. It was a good point from slippery halo, if the kids can own some self confidence, they may just be stronger in mind to fend of these weak minded types. Confidence will come to our kids if they know we are there to back them up, through their travels, quietly sitting over their decisions. It's a frightening and reality punch, to the thought our kids would not call for us, afraid of something that included us to the powerful laws of judgement in the kids, it rules their lives. Can't forget that.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I would try to practise with my children that they could tell me anything ....(unfortunately I think at times) I would listen and not lose my temper. This was a very difficult thing to teach to my ex he would react before they finished this therefore creates a reason for children to hold back. I know from my own experiences that I knew when I was touched inappropriatley when I was six....I told my mother who said oh he probably pats his girls on the bum too...but I said no mummy this wasnt nice. Then when another incident happened when I was a teenager I can still recall the words ....Are you sure thats what happened??........ Talking openly about the instance is another thing entirely and sometimes it was brought up and I was very embarrased so in a context maybe but always make sure the victim is given the opportunity not to be discussed about. I urge you to also make sure your children are there for others and aware of the statistics......I often spoke to my daughter and made sure she knew that with such ridiculously high odds there was a chance someone she knew was being abused, so make sure if you hear anything its ok to go for help. Sad truths. So sorry Miss Kay. It does highlight doesnt it who we let into our childrens lives.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Mado & Tara - yes it needs better 'marketing', couldn't agree more! EndlessBliss - Yep I had the same deafening silence as a child which is why I advocate for my kids so strongly now. That was the point of this post, to urge all of you to do so. slippery_halo - Great point, never thought about giving them a LOUDER voice. I've taken that on board. Thanks. To the rest of you, so glad you all appear to be proactive in this area. And if you are reading this and don't want to have 'that' talk with your kids because it couldn't possibly happen to you, IT CAN! She had her police interview today at JIRT (Joint Police DOCS team) and she was awesome. The DOCS worker told us in the statement room afterwards that she had never known another child who had gone straight for help whilst the offender was still in the room before. That is the voice I want you to give your kids. Don't pussyfoot around, don't hint at the horrible, talk plainly, clearly and openly. It's uncomfortable, sure, do it anyway. This could have been so much worse if I didn't give her that voice. Please give your children theirs.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Zoe69r - I'm doing my upmost to get the boy all the help in the world available to him. No hating here. I ask nobody show hate or anger in my post. Sure, I know it's there, I just want this to be positive one. Thanking you in advance xxx
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'MissKay' Zoe69r - I'm doing my upmost to get the boy all the help in the world available to him. No hating here. I ask nobody show hate or anger in my post. Sure, I know it's there, I just want this to be positive one. Thanking you in advance xxx You are very proud at this moment, knowing that feeling cannot be explained, only experienced. Know how you are feeling. I went through a time you and your daughter are at now, with my mum and family. Then I was told because of law children under the age of consent, could not be used as convicting evidence in a court room. So it would be like I was not believed, called a liar and only recognised as it happened. That law was amended as a jury demanded my voice was more important than a president. The preceding judge agreed. There was a group of us kids involved with that, this is the point to make not the above. (that is the feelings) Some of those kids took to the behaviour and for a simple truth, became the predator themselves, Why probably to weak and gave up, we were all vulnerable then could have happened to any one. So we need to think to that aswell, chances are with the kids similar to the situation you are facing now MissKay the boy could very well be a victim himself acting to the question of it all. Mado
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RHP User
12 years ago
That was my first reaction, it must have happened to him as most victims become offenders. That is a misnomer and completely untrue. It does happen, I agree, but rarely. This has been a big shock for me as I thought that was the case like you, it's not. It's apparently VERY rare for a victim to become an offender. Stats show differently as offenders 'lie' and use a victim mentality as defence when it's never really the case. As a victim of years of molestation as a child myself, I know I could NEVER do that to anyone. It makes sense. But I was surprised as I had the same belief as you. Hugs to you for your experience x
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madotara69
12 years ago
That experience began at 13yrs and final day in court 20yrs old. Most if not all but one kid had a healthy recovery and lead a normalish adult life, leaving behind the weird stuff. Throughout all that time all us kids had a sort of silent bond. It was pretty messy but we all knew what happened, so I believe they grew out of it. My voice was all of how proud my mother was, without her I would have had the same result as the rest of the kids, lucky for that one of us had things made right, however the rest did not have the strength of support mum did for me. Can't take that for granted, paying my respects to you for that MissKay Only to the slightest chance of another kid being a victim, one they are alone with all of it, two hate will all but destroy any chance of a healthy recovery and drive them into a deeper world, not a healthy one to carry on with. One of the kids took to the needle and later hung himself in his mothers house. The hate wore him down he never quite had the support needed, hushing things was wrong. Not speaking for statistics, just what has bee learnt, and making the best that can come out of it all. Hate does not solve anything, help is a much better way to start the day. If they are beyond help then another cup of tea. Very proud of the way you are treating this matter, and you have already won your daughters health, now just the ride to see it through. This is important to me as is to you, sorry if I am hijacking this, don't really know if it is or not.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thanks Mis Kay for saying that, for as a young person growing up I had heard this also and thought I could never...again I felt I would be judged and treated unfairly. The person I actually went to was my brother ...it haunts him to this day and he fears for his children and we only recently spoke of the effect it had emotionally on the both of us. I tell you my mother sat their shocked she had no idea that 30 plus years later we were still traumatised. I have more to add but think I wont at the moment.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I feel the pain in your words. My family is now grown and thankfully we got through without any such mishaps . At least not that Im aware of, and that's the scary thing. I guess kids sometimes keep these things to them self if it's not explained . What you're saying is right... Have that talk, now, today..
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RHP User
12 years ago
I apologise to you and everyone else that I am upsetting by bringing this up. I am sorry you have to re live bad experiences. But I also want you to know there is free counselling available to you right now. I live in the Hunter Area so can only give you my local number, but I'm sure they will find you your local contact. 02 4921 3888. Or Google 'Sexual Assault Services' in your area. Any adult victim that hasn't resolved past offences needs to contact Sexual Assault Services immediately. You are not weak, you are a victim and a survivor. You are worthy of help and assistance, you deserve help and I beg that you seek it. * Sexual assault is a crime where someone is forced, coerced or tricked into sexual acts.* Sexual assault is an act of violence and abuse of power that can happen to men & women of any age. You didn't deserve it, you didn't ask for it, but please seek help.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Not a lot can touch my heart.. and seldom I am serious.So.. "THANK YOU" for posting.. I have so many stories I COULD tell on this subject.. But I WILL NOT..I just hope every parent and substitute parent here follows through..
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RHP User
12 years ago
This stuff hurts. It is a good thing to break the silence surrounding it and find that there is so much heartfelt support here. MissKay, you have done really well in the circumstances, and thank you for sharing. Childhood sexual abuse is my number one bugbear and as an adult who has come to realize just how prevalent it is in the people who are closest to me, it has caused me lots of heartache and turmoil. As a parent, I have spent a lot of time instilling the notion of body ownership in my child in a positive way that does not regard any part of her body as shameful, simply private. Before she had started being able to wipe herself clean after using the toilet, we were already saying "who is allowed to touch your private parts?" The answer being her carers only, followed immediately by "when are they allowed they touch your private parts?" The answer being only to wipe her clean after going to the toilet. We then said "pretty soon, you will be able to wipe yourself clean after using the toilet, apart from yourself, who is allowed to touch your private parts then?" The answer being no one, followed by "why?" The answer being "because they're mine and they're private. Wed then say "what will you do if someone tries to touch your private parts?" And she'd answer "tell mum and dad". When another child offered her a ride on his scooter in return for touching her private parts at the local park, she immediately told her mum with no shame or hesitation, and received a lot of positive reinforcement from us for her actions. It was really celebrated so that she could feel very proud of herself for doing so. IMO, parents of my generation, and theirs, didn't have the awareness nor resources that are available now to approach this subject directly and constructively. It is still my greatest fear as a parent, as I can't control everything and every situation my child will ever face, but giving her the concept of what is and what is not appropriate, and what to do if she is ever faced with this situation is how we have approached this. I have mentioned before in other threads about a rural healing retreat in the Hunter and elsewhere that run week long programs for adults, teens and children who have faced sexual abuse as children, and give people the tools to help process and cope with it better. Google Heal for Life dot com.
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RHP User
12 years ago
its hard to find words to better what has been said, this is a subject I know more than well..and haveing lived with someone for 17yrs that is still now fighting just to rebuild at least some sort of life from her abuse(rehab etc ) it can and all to commly can be a life long sentince.her's is a sorty polar apart from the one you tell and to the bottom of my hart I thank you.last time I spoke to a concilor the figures was 1 in 3 women and 1 in 5 men but we both agreed there is a good chanceas stated 1 in 2 and the boys are not far from parity......the world need to take its head out the sand and we need to be able to speck openly about such things
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RHP User
12 years ago
In addition to 'Everyone's Got a Bottom' that MissKay mentioned I've found a few more books for young children (4 and up). 'Some Parts are Not For Sharing' by Julie Le Frederico, Tate Publishing. 'I Said No! A Kid-to-Kid Guide for Keeping Your Private Parts Private' by Kimberly King, Boulden Publishing. 'Please Tell!: A Child's Story About Sexual Abuse' by Jessie Ottenweller, Hazelden. And for older children/young teenagers, 'It Happened To Me' by Lee Carter, New Harbinger Publications.
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xxsexythingxx
12 years ago
I thank you for your effort to this issue, as Iam one that went thru this myself.No support, no one to tell but have survived and it is still a healing in progress.Love and patience is always a healer.I wish in my childhood they would have had these resources and parents thatbelieved in their child. Thank you.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Mado's first post rings so true. I may have been flippant in my first response that this issue needs better 'marketing', but I really believe that we need Government Community Service Ads on TV regarding this issue. Remember when AIDS became an issue we got all the grim reaper ads. We get constant anti-smoking campaigns, there are reading and writing hotlines for the illiterate. ALL wonderful initiatives. But the really bad stuff that is far more prevalent in society, and always has been, doesn't get a look in. *Childhood Sexual Assault (1 in 3 purportedly)*Domestic Violence (70 women die every year at the hands of a person they are meant to trust) Please read Charlie Pickerings recent article on MummaMia (9th Jan 2014) where he defends sharks, agrees that a king hit is a cowardly thing but nothing is done about Domestic Violence where there is over 1 death a week. The outrage is understandable but not contextual as far as I'm concerned. I think I need to pester the Federal Govt. into making these two issues a public discourse. My sibling wrote all the recent ads that highlighted binge drinking and the morning after. Rightio - I'm in her ear.....
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madotara69
12 years ago
Never under estimate the life force of the woman, our mother. Not a right a privilege. Feeling a little emotional Mado
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RHP User
12 years ago
Lots of cuddles heading your way xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
I've been wary about following this topic knowing it would raise feelings for me, there isn't a post that isn't moving. <3 . It's true, some abusers have been abused and it's true not all abusers have been abused. So, I do repeat that we must also make sure our kids know to respect others bodies as well. . MissKay, sexual abuse is currently a huge agenda with the government and the 'Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse', now is a time I would push for a more direct recognition of the issue in general society. . XXX
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RHP User
12 years ago
to you Ms.Kay for how you supported your child both before and after the abuse happened. It is also something that happens to older children too...one of the problems is that they often confide in peers only,who sometimes tell them to be quiet,say nothing.The reason being that the abuser is an age peer...this is of course sexual assault,not just an extreme form of bullying. Be concerned if your child's behaviour changes,they become quiet,withdrawn ,angry for no apparent reason etc..... We need to have open communication with our children,love them,support them,make them feel secure because it is the vulnerable that most predators are looking for.
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RHP User
12 years ago
We are watching her behaviour and so far it appears she has come out of this fairly unscathed because she was believed and supported immediately. Her appetite is back now and she is bright and bubbly again, she isn't velcroed to me anymore but I will continue to monitor her, as will her Dad. That's an interesting point that you have brought up about peer to peer abuse. The DOCS worker said that my daughters age was typical of the time when kids will still 'tell'. From memory you work in this field or similar? Do you have any insight into why peer to peer are less likely to tell adults? Quite a few people thought my daughters situation was just childhood 'experimentation' until they discovered the age difference. Could that perhaps be the reason peer to peer consider themselves guilty of, say, 'asking for it'? As I would guess no grooming is happening in that situation. Puzzled.
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RHP User
12 years ago
The police officer rang me today and after weeks of heart wrenching soul searching I have finally requested they take this further. This involves my ex & his partner getting formal police interviews as it happened in their home, and after that, they will also formally interview the 15yo boy. This decision was full of turmoil and I would like to thank a forumite for all of his wonderful private messages full of support & brilliant resources. My daughter is actually doing OK, the boy not so much. He got shipped off to his step Dad and hasn't spoken to his mother since the day. Everyone has their head in the sand and just wants everything to go away. It never will. As much as I want the boy to get counselling, it can't get forced (and I read everything you sent *W and made numerous enquiries despite his already threatened self harm) but nothing can be done in this situation. My only option is to have him charged so the Judge can sentence court ordered counselling. It's the only chance this kid has and I've made it clear that is my only purpose to pursuing charges. Well that and ensuring he's flagged in future police checks, ie. working with children. Still waiting for DOCS to arrange our counselling though.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Has everyone had an updated chat yet? Can all of you look me in the eye and say 'Yes, I've discussed this with my children this month?" Even this year.... If not, you are busy today...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'ShyPrincess74' Well, I can look you in the boots anyway :-) That'll do Shy, as long as you've had the tough conversation with your short people. Otherwise it doesn't count.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Turned on me not too long ago.... A month or two later, she bled for a week(first one), and then hugged me.... Lol gotta love women's moodiness - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
They have their mother. But they know that if ever they need to talk I'm only a phone call away, and if it's serious in their mind, I'll be on the next flight home :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
that the main reason girls start having sex at a very early age is a consequence of sexual abuse.....particularly if they are not supported.....xx Q
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think in all honesty, women in general use sex to fill a void in there life. They feel lonely, not long broken up with a partner, etc. not just abuse. The key denominator seems to be simply that they feel undesirable. How do they(women) then fill that need?? By having sex. And for those that will end up on their denial train of that statement... Ask yourself... How good does it honestly feel when a man tells you how beautiful, hot etc you are while you're having sex?? And then ask... How would I feel if he didn't?? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
There = their. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
We found out last week that my now 16 year old nephew had been sexually abused (we knew emotional abuse was happening) by his step father from the age of two to probably eight. My sister had given her daughter lots of talks about inappropriate touching but in hindsight didn't do the same with her son (the perp was my nieces father and he hasn't ever touched her inappropriately, is now just a deadbeat dad who won't have anything to do with her, changed his phone number and owes about $6000 in child maintenance but that's another story). My sis did the right thing and left this guy when her daughter was 5, her son 8 and they moved in with us for just over a year. We could see that my nephew was terribly unhappy, his behaviour was volatile to say the least, he had developed an overeating problem to medicate himself, he was horrible to his sister, his mother and at times his cousins, he had no social skills, no concentration span, he had a book he'd written the names of lots of porn sites into, his temper was diabolical, so many warning signs that in hindsight should have rung alarm bells for us. The problem was he was diagnosed with ADHD as a young child (was this necessary we now ask ourselves or was his behaviour a cry for help)? My sister also suffers from bi polar and her medication wasn't right at the time so she herself was an emotional wreck, also suffering guilt from walking out on her marriage and believing she was making her kids unhappy taking them away from their father. We put his behaviour down to the ADHD and the thought that perhaps he'd inherited the mental illness from her. My sister can think of so many things now that should have concerned her at the time. She spent a lot of time in hospital when they were little leaving them with her husband, other family members or friends. Her daughter's behaviour changed for a bit and my sister did have a conversation with DOCS about her daughter being abused by her husband when he won custody for a brief period of time. They went in, checked out the situation and it was all okay, except she had the wrong child. My nephew suffered in silence until a meltdown and an angry incident in the street with another child last year. I think from there he may have confessed a bit of information to a school friend who told someone in authority I think he needs to see a doctor then my sister was informed. Finally this burden he'd been shouldering all these years got let out to a doctor and he could start to receive some counselling. (My nephew is 6 feet tall and built like the proverbial brick ..........) That's not the end of it though, receiving counselling does not make for a happy ending. Three weeks ago he took an overdose. He won't talk about it with my sister. He can't remember details, has blocked them out. This means the perpetrator can't be bought to justice and charged for his crimes. The child abuse unit say that without details they can't press charges. There lies the injustice. This monster of a man that can abuse a little boy and desert his own daughter is now living with another woman he met online who has a daughter. He hasn't contacted his own daughter in 15 months, no known address. My nephew has now left school and got a job doing something he loves with people who have known him his whole life (they are like second parents and are aware of his situation.) Whether keeping busy, earning some money and receiving counselling will be enough who knows. I want to go to him and apologise that we weren't there for him when he needed us, we were the adults and we should have seen what was going on with his behaviour at the time was happening for a much bigger reason. In fact I think I did give him the opportunity at the time to tell us if there was anything bothering him but whatever this horrible abuser said to him to keep him quiet must have been enormous for him to keep it to himself and not take that opportunity to get some help. Yes, go forth and tell your children about inappropriate touching, your boys and your girls.......
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RHP User
12 years ago
My comment was only about why SOME young girls,is twelve and often younger become sexually active xx Q
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RHP User
12 years ago
Well done Miss Kay, I had the chat with Mr 10 about how easily he could be abducted last year. He wasn't taking me seriously so after explaining how someone might easily grab him I ended up physically grabbing him and telling him to fight me to get away and he couldn't so he could see what I meant. I covered his mouth so he couldn't make noise and talked through it what he could do to help himself. That certainly made him pay attention then.
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RHP User
12 years ago
If you think that is a point for discussion perhaps it requires a new topic xx Q
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RHP User
12 years ago
And I'd say you're just the woman to write it too ;) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thanks Q, a bit off topic but understand you were replying SS. Great new topic to start though. And men don't?
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RHP User
12 years ago
All I can do is urge you to get your nephew to see JIRT so 'he' gets the help he so desperately needs. Then the abuser will be addressed in time. PM me and I'll happily help you with anything. I can explain the processes and expected outcomes so you can tell your nephew what to expect so he isn't afraid of any consequences. Contact me before you urge him to see JIRT so you can assure him it will be fine with knowledge of the processes. (JIRT = Joint Investigative Response Team consisting DOCS, police and Sexual Assault Services) Hugs to your entire family xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'sir_stir' They have their mother. But they know that if ever they need to talk I'm only a phone call away, and if it's serious in their mind, I'll be on the next flight home :) - Posted from rhpmobile Do you know their Mother is having these talks? Why can't you also validate it with your kids? Reinforce the message that they will be believed and protected immediately? I'm sure you are a great Dad, I just worry that you assume your kids will call you if need be. Some of these monsters groom kids into sheer terror of disaster befalling on loved ones if they tell anyone. Letting your kids know they are loved isn't enough, the tough conversation needs to take place. I implore you.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Bloody attempted abduction around the corner from me last week with an 8yo girl. Another great discussion to have with your kids. My neighbour & I had this chat with 5 kids last Friday night in detail. Great reminder, thanks x
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RHP User
12 years ago
at a school,there have been so many attempted abductions in the local area there is a constant police patrol car present mornings and afternoons...Q
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RHP User
12 years ago
It's not a topic that I agree with xx Q
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RHP User
12 years ago
Implore away :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'MissKay' All I can do is urge you to get your nephew to see JIRT so 'he' gets the help he so desperately needs. Then the abuser will be addressed in time. PM me and I'll happily help you with anything. I can explain the processes and expected outcomes so you can tell your nephew what to expect so he isn't afraid of any consequences. Contact me before you urge him to see JIRT so you can assure him it will be fine with knowledge of the processes. (JIRT = Joint Investigative Response Team consisting DOCS, police and Sexual Assault Services) Hugs to your entire family xxx I believe we experience things for reasons. What we learn from those experiences become meanings.
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MsSuperFoxy
12 years ago
I believe when talking to kids about inappropriate touching and the warning signs to look out for, is to teach them the signs of "grooming" and that it is not OK.. When I say "grooming" it is the behavior someone does to manipulate a vulnerable child; as in they will buying gifts, use emotional threats and blackmail, the befriending, the offering to babysit them, the subtle words and actions one does (getting them to have them sit close by or on a lap) that sort of behavior. I think that's the most important thing when discussing and having talks with younger children, who are vulnerable. Foxy
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Cheekyarses
12 years ago
I talk to my & mr Cheeky's kids about a lot of things and they feel comfortable talking to me about anything.... Recently a very good friend of mine separated from her husband, they had been married for a very long time! The husband however was inappropriatly touching their 15yr old daughter!! This shocked both of us as we have known this man for years - it makes me feel so sick!! Protect your children
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RHP User
12 years ago
I agree 100% If it has not already been said I would also encourage contact with bravehearts. They are a wonderful organisation and charity for the prevention and advice. We had a minor incident that I luckily caught/interrupted before it could become worse some years ago. This group gave us parents great advice in handling.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'sir_stir' Implore away :) - Posted from rhpmobile So does that mean you will discuss this with your kids? Or are you trying to be a smart arse? If it's the latter...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Qefenta2' at a school,there have been so many attempted abductions in the local area there is a constant police patrol car present mornings and afternoons...Q That is terrifying, I have found it to be more prevalent of late. Have you?
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RHP User
12 years ago
I don't think anyone is comparing CSA with abduction, they are 2 very different talks.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yes, most of what you have explained is grooming and agree all should set off alarm bells (for the adults). But more seriously the grooming is more to the point of "If you tell I will kill X" "We can't tell anyone as this is God's love and we can't make him angry". It's far from fucking subtle & a lollypops, lap sitting and gratuitous gifts aint gonna cut it. Sure, alarm bells resound, but these monsters are way ahead of us. Miles ahead. Syndicated even. That is why I continue to implore you all to have that nasty chat with your kids. Using the nasty details. Telling it as it is. Why the fuck should I be telling a 6yo innocent kid in detail about sexual abuse and inappropriate touching? My child doesn't need to know as I protect them and they'll never experience it. Right? WRONG! 1 in 2 kids, got that fact yet? It's going to be the most trusted member of your community, not the sleazy weirdo that just joined 'X'. Sorry if I'm harping on about this, but I have a platform and if I save one child, my job is done. PLEASE, have that difficult chat with your kids...
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madotara69
12 years ago
then the kids, look into peoples eyes. When you see nothing, then you see something that is being hidden. it's the only way to tell.
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